Dear Diary,
I have been missing for way too long, but here I am…back and better than ever! I remember writing my 2018 New Year blog post and writing that I was going to stay away from drama and bullshit. Yet the year is soon coming to a close and I have fallen for the bullshit again.
I celebrated my birthday in November last year and decided to take a much needed vacay to the DR. On my trip I met a fine, beautiful, husky black man; he had just turned 34 years old as we celebrated our birthdays in the same month. This for me was not unusual to meet a man on vacation, but nothing has ever come of it, so I entertained him with the thought I was going to brush him off. Little did I know back then, that this man was about to turn my whole world around and I was going to experience some things that I have never before.
In the beginning of what is called the “honeymoon” stage things were great! We spent weekends in Niagara Falls; our longest weekend there being Christmas weekend which was really nice and cozy and spent more intimately. I found we were able to learn a lot about one another. Sometimes we would drive late to the casino and come back early in the morning just for the fun of it; it was a great adventure.
The spring time rolled around and I had noticed a lot of things started to change: texts from unknown people, calls from people, meeting up with friends and at random women’s houses who I had never heard of. One day I decided to be nosey and go through his phone (big mistake) and looking through messages between him and two different women. One message was from a woman asking “When she would be able to get some d**k”, the next one was another woman asking when she would be able to see him again “because the last time she saw him was for her birthday”.
At this point in time I was not a wife nor a girlfriend so I had absolutely no say in what the man decided to do, but I thought a grown man like himself would have been able to communicate his feelings about another woman (guess I had thought wrong). I still confronted him about this and received backlash because I had gone through his phone but he had never owned up to it. He said that one of the women was a friend and she was drunk that night.
Anyways some months passed and I meet a woman in a Toronto women’s group chat that I’m part of. She lives in the same area as me and was looking for other women to meet up with; we meet up a few times and ended up becoming friends. In the summer, she introduces me to her friend who also lives in the same area and we spend the summer downtown, patios, lunch and parties; it was nice being able to bond with other females. Months pass and we go out one night talking about things we have done so far during the summer; they bring up a night they went to a bar and the woman I met first says she met a guy there. After revealing the guy we realize that we had been talking to the same guy…we match up numbers in our phones and this is the same man. She told me not to worry as they hadn’t been talking long and had only seen each other a few times and that she had stopped talking to him. We are both in shock but wait, there’s more…the woman I befriended second tells us that she had went to his house for a bbq (coincidently) and met his soon to be baby’s mother!
At this point I am a loss for words. She said she was at his house and the baby’s mother was there planning her baby shower with his mom. At this point I am ready to jump ship but can I trust her? Who do I believe? I decide to lay low and not show him as much attention but still get info from friend number 2 on what she’s heard. I decide about a month later to confront him after becoming very annoyed with his actions and he DENIES EVERYTHING! He only says that yes he was talking to friend number 1, but only because he was forced to by another guy at the bar (wth!). He even denies being at the house on the day of the bbq saying he had no idea it was going on. Now this is ridiculous because I know for a fact by seeing Snapchat videos that this was a bbq at his house with his family and friends. Either way I decide to STILL stick around and give him the benefit of the doubt as he tells me to trust him.
A couple months pass and the same woman hosts her baby shower which again I see videos of…weeks pass and again I confront him and show him the photos I was sent and again he denies it and even says he doesn’t know the woman in the photo. At this point its very strange because in my mind I know that nobody would lie like this…why would she say she was having someone else’s baby if she was not. Weeks pass again and it’s argument after argument and it becomes too much. I tell him he can barely be honest with me, can’t even give me the time of day so maybe its not meant to be, he says he will try. I ask my close friends about it and they say if you are still not a girlfriend just walk away because obviously this man cannot commit to you.
Weeks pass and everything stays the same… he begins to get so comfortable with me that he asks me to borrow money first $50,$100, then $1000 (yes that much!). At this point I am a few months into my new place and still trying to stabilize myself. He asks and I say nothing but tell him I have rent and other bills. He then calls later one night to say he received the money from a friend so I tell him thats great and I assume the conversation is over. A few days pass and I get a text saying you never said anything about the money and I reply saying “you said you got the money from a friend and you actually still owe me money so I could ask you the same thing”.
Little did I know it would blow up into a huge argument. He basically tells me he’s done with me and never to contact him again and he will drop off the money at my work. He comes we exchange a few words and i tell him listen I am not your mother and I am not obligated to lend you money. This makes him upset saying I f**ked up and drives off. (good riddance!)…not yet. He calls me a few hours later explaining he is sorry for yelling at me and he didn’t mean to (seems to be a pattern each time we argue). I break down into tears and tell him that he has put me through so much shit…I work two jobs and still go to school and I do not deserve such stupid shit from anyone and I deserve so much better than him…the conversation ends. I receive a call while I am about to leave work and he asks to talk. So I agree thinking that this would be our last conversation. As we begin to sit and talk he tells me the truth about everything… which is to be continued.
-Samantha
Shea Butter Diaries 
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