November 19, 2018

Dear Diary,

It’s been almost 5 years since I lost 50 pounds.

When you’ve spent a majority of your life being “bigger”, body dysmorphia is still something I struggle with on a daily basis.

My mind at times gets disconnected with my current physical state and resorts to my old self. I cannot help but feel a constant internal mental battle…

I’m mentally between size 1XL and a M.

I constantly fear of gaining the weight back.

I hate the way my beauty was justified after my weight loss, when I am still the same person on the inside.

Still waiting for that day my stomach will be flat…if ever.

You can not count the amount of stretch marks I have.

After 5 years, I still don’t really know what my size is.

Despite the daily struggles above, my body has taught me a lot about life, people’s perspective, society’s constant standard on beauty, and a lot about myself and what I am capable of accomplishing.

I’ve applied this big change and decision in so many different aspects of my life. It has helped me a great deal with my work ethic. It has showed me that anything is possible, and that there’s no limit when you put in dedication, your mind, passion, and hardwork into it.

So on days like today where I start to look at my body through a negative lense, I have to step back and remind myself of how far I have come, that I am healthy, and can do and overcome anything I put my mind to.

-Aimee