September 18, 2017

Dear diary,

I came into this saying I am going to discuss my hatred for all the men that ever hurt me.. then I said to myself, “Samantha these things will never matter, discuss something with substance”.

This whole week…month… actually the whole year, I’ve been struggling with my emotions and my self-esteem. I tell myself everyday that things will get better. Then I take to Instagram and watch the pretty models on vacation, living lavishly while I bust my a** and do overtime for the 5th time this week…I AM TIRED. I work a full-time job and go to school part time, while these “Instagram models” sell tea and waist trainers and are slaying the entire game.

A few years ago I found myself in a dark place which I will not go into detail about just yet, but during that year I deleted most of my social media that included Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram, and Facebook. I felt that I began to compare myself to these females…and years later I am still doing this. It becomes hard for me sometimes to accept myself and other days I know that I look good and nobody can tell me otherwise. But why is it that for myself and I am sure other women, we find ourselves in this trap of bringing our self-worth down to compare ourselves to fake/artificial women?A good friend once told me that you must learn to separate yourself and don’t allow what you see on social media to dictate how you feel. She told me that this does not mean running away (much like what I did) but learning to deal with the emotions or feelings you may have and separating it from how you feel about yourself. For some reason over this past year, I’ve felt down…drained and tired, I feel as if I want to give up but then I will have days where I am at an all time high and having the best time of my life. Certain things that have helped me are working out (exercising)… feeling good about yourself is the first step. Reading both allows me to block out the virtual world and be in tune with my inner self. As mentioned I am a woman of books and find it to be a great hobby that helps me relax. 

Now, what are some steps for moving forward for myself and other women struggling right now? Just relax is the first step. Do not focus on other women on social media or compare yourself to other individuals who may be doing better than you. Why? Because they are not you, live this life because it is going to be your best life and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise. Live in prayer and through Christ because he will work wonders in your life and be yourself never change who you are to please anyone but you. Continue to strive and work hard!

As for myself, I will go into my week with a fresh calm attitude. I will scroll through my Instagram and say “wow she’s pretty” AND MOVE ON. I will not continue to dwell and compare myself but accept we are different in our own ways. This is my time to shine and I will shine my brightest. 


5 thoughts on “September 18, 2017

  1. Beautiful reminder. You’re beautiful for speaking your heart. What helps me get through the social media comparison game is that for every woman I feel is “prettier” than me is probably going through her social media thinking the same thing about someone else.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for being so transparent with your readers. There are so many women who are in your shoes but they are afraid to verbalize it. Social media is a platform for people to share ideas, thoughts, pictures. But sometimes, what we see on the screen is COMPLETELY FAKE – Fake perfect bodies, fake happy marriages, fake smiles, fake thriving friendships. Im glad to hear that you are changing your mental posture. You are of great worth, you’re priceless!


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