Dear Diary,
It’s time I address an issue that’s been burning my soul for quite sometime. And this issue is men…now before anyone starts to roll their eyes I am not here to tell anyone how to deal with relationships but rather the challenges I’ve faced with men in the past.
Men are quite complicated when it comes to relationships, when it comes to settling down and being in a committed relationship. Men expect so much with nothing in return…why should a woman have to commit if he doesn’t want to put a title on it because he isn’t ready?
If you are not ready for a title then there is no relationship and therefore the man should give the woman the freedom to make her own decisions. Instead, men try to complicate things making both parties confused in the process. Men are often times scared to actually admit what it is they want as well; whether that be a relationship, friends with benefits, a fling, or even a one night stand…why not just be honest?
Now I know it may not be easy for a man to say I am looking for “ABC”, but why are women so upfront about their feelings while men choose to hold them back? Men do things very one sided and don’t take ownership for there actions. For example he wants you to commit to having sex with only him and expects you to show qualities of a “wifey” but he cant even call you his girlfriend…and not only that but he doesn’t want to go out in public with you. He doesn’t want you to become too attached to him because he isn’t ready but calls you beautiful everyday (which is flattering don’t get me wrong). Not only that but he texts and calls you nearly everyday as well, and wants you to spend all your free time with him. Now it seems like he is indirectly asking you to fall in love with him. But on the flip side, this man is actually terrified of commitment and would rather take things slow. Now this logic is absolutely absurd. How can you tell a women not to get attached but you do everything to make her get attached then call her clingy?
I had a man give me his favourite sweater and while we hung out nearly every week, he suggested that he would like me to meet his mother. Meanwhile he said he wasn’t ready to get into a relationship because his ex did him wrong…why wont you let a real one take care of you? Why would you shut out the one that is actually doing good things in your life?
These are things I will never understand.
I have noticed though, that if he had time to make for you he would make that time and is obviously busy doing something thats more important than you (or maybe even doing someONE more important than you). An ex boyfriend told me something that will always stick with me when we decided to break up. He said that if a man is interested in you then you will know.. he will do everything and anything he can to spend time with you and make sure you are happy. And if he only wants sex he will make that effort as well but only to sleep with you in the end.
This is my advice for all the women out there; know your self worth. This is something that took me a long time to realize but never settle for a man who is not showing you all the qualities of a good man. If he can’t treat you right there is a man out there ready to be your king and treat you right. This goes both ways for our men and women; always go into a relationship knowing what it is you want out of it whether that be a fling, long term or marriage…but if you are not satisfied, leave rather than hurt the other party in the process.
Shea Butter Diaries 