November 3, 2017

Dear Diary,

There’s this thing called fear. Why the hell does it exist?

It’s something so small (in theory) that impacts your life so much. This shits crazy to me…even worse because I struggle from it, as I’m sure most of us do; but what about the ones that don’t. You know the people that seem to have contoured that particular ‘demon’.

Well I’m striving to be that person. This is my first stop…from writing to/for myself (from a younger age) and ripping it up to ensure that no one saw it, to now publicly posting my written thoughts – talkin’ my ish!

Embarking on this new journey of self: love, esteem, confidence. I was quickly reminded of all my fears. Fear of: failure (that’s definitely my number one), judgment (in some cases), disappointment, loneliness and love.

Which may make you think how could you be afraid of both love and loneliness – pick a struggle, right? Well. Don’t ask me because I don’t know, it just happened that way.

And because it happened that way (I mean, you did think it – pick a struggle), I’m deciding to pick them all and break them all down, one by one – all those fears.

Life comes at you fast and hard and sometimes it breaks you down more than you could imagine. I was resilient and often felt unstoppable, until I had to holt – complete red light. Couldn’t make any life moves and at that moment I have never been flooded with so much if not all my fears, so fast all at once.

After months of being and feeling stuck, I had to do something! With the help of my loving support system, I decided the only thing to do is to reinvent yourself – yes!

That’s it!

Reinvent yourself. Perfect idea. Until you realize, you’ve buried yourself in fear and self doubt for so long you don’t even know where to start, how to start – but the thing is you have to start. ..somewhere, anywhere.

So I’m starting here world!

The first step to a better me, a healthier me. A chance to rant, express, discuss and cuss. Allow me to get my groove back as you read along with me. I hope that I can inspire, motivate – even comfort at least one person that joins me on this journey.
I gotta’lotta life to talk about…

– Kadesha


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