Dear Diary,
Do you ever feel loss of motivation and energy? Things like getting up and doing the simplest tasks become a drag?
Why is this?
Why am I feeling this way?
It’s probably due to a past experience and it is time that I share it with you…
When I was 18, I caught myself in the sex industry (yikes I know!)…I was dating an older guy who convinced me that it was something that could make us money. I trusted him as I knew him from my high school days, and I realized he waited until I was legal to bring this up. We “dated”; went out and enjoyed ourselves until this topic became a series of discussions. I was getting started in university and I was broke to say the least. I worked like 10 hours a week and could barely pay for anything; sometimes I didn’t even have money for the transit and had to just skip classes. So I agreed because what did I have to lose?
We set things up and I didn’t realize how degraded I felt until the day came and he was driving me to the hotel. I was silent and he was happy because he was about to cash out. The days leading up to this incident were hard for me. I didn’t realize how serious it was until the day of. He laid out the rules for me and we agreed upon splitting the money.
That Friday, I went to class to write a test and he picked me up from school. When we got to the hotel and checked in, he went over some previous conversations and how to contact him (he ultimately seemed new to the industry as well). I waited all night to hear from him while in the hotel room. Hours later, he called me and said he screwed up…the post he put up didn’t make it up and I didn’t have any clients that night.
With a sigh of relief he told me to come so we could get some food. I never felt so refreshed and free after hearing that from him. It was a burden that I was not ready to face. After that night, he found ways to contact me to set something up again and again. I continuously declined until I gave in again as I found myself falling deeper into depression…
To be continued in my next entry…
Please note: This is a serious issue that I hope will help any of the readers out there struggling with something similar in their lives. If you need support with something like this please DM our Instagram page and I will respond to you! Ive dedicated my time to reaching out to anonymous blogs who want feedback on women who have been in the sex trade and I hope to help others as well. For my protection and privacy I will need to remain anonymous for now.
Thank you.
Shea Butter Diaries 