September 29, 2017

Dear diary,

I’ve been lying. Lying to my friends. Lying to my family. But most importantly, I’ve been lying to myself…

I’ve been doing it without even realizing how damaging it is. But I’ve been doing it for so long that I’m not even who I once was anymore. This is who I’ve become.

I’ve been pretending. Acting. A big facade. We’ve been conditioned from before we could even form full sentences to respond “I’m fine” when someone asks, “how are you?” and it’s followed me into adulthood; even when I’m not, and haven’t been fine. But when you’re the person that everyone comes to for advice or to vent (or both), you must be strong (or at least do a great job convincing others that you are). I was also forcing myself to take the path that society has made the blueprint for success; complete post secondary, own property/real estate, get married and start a family all ideally by 25, but definitely before 30.

This. Is. Unrealistic!

It’s also a very damaging mindset, as I have personally come to realize. Setting a concrete timeline on your life goals is a surefire way to set yourself up for disappointment. I have seen way too many people (myself included) determine their self-value and success based on material possessions, and trying to keep up becomes draining. I’ve had to come to terms with the saying, “whatever is meant for you, in time will be yours” (“Eventually…though it may take years and years” should also be added in brackets after that saying).

I’ve made a pledge to myself. I’m going to be honest with myself, no matter how it much it hurts initially. This will be better for me in the long run. This will be the road to lasting happiness. I’ve already noticed a change in my outcome on life. I’m much more pleasant to be around from day to day. I’m enjoying life and having the most fun I have been since I was a youth. I’ve become more productive, and because of that, I have opportunities that I’m excited about and looking forward to.

I’ve also started working on something that I’ve been wanting to since I was in high school; writing a novel! I’ll be sure to add an excerpt from what I’ve completed so far in my next entry.

-Justina